I Hope You Dance
by DSISandraPullman39
Summary: Jack has passed away but he's left Sandra some final words of advice


**I hope you dance**

**Disclaimer:-** Don't own them just borrowing!

**Episode:-** None specific but a few small references throughout the show timeline

**Pairing:-** None

**Rating:- **K+

**Achieve:- . /group/new_tricksff/**

**Summary:-** Jack has passed away but he's left Sandra some last words of advice.

**Author's Note:- **The song here is "I hope you dance" By Ronan Keating if you've never heard it I really recommend you YouTube it and listen to the whole thing because I've picked and chosen bits out of it here that fit with what I wanted to put in the story. It's a little sad and a little emotional and obviously as the summary says Jack has died at the onset of the story so if any of that is not to your liking stop now otherwise enjoy!

Turning over the envelope in her hand; which she's been given only an hour before by Jack's solicitor when he'd called at her home to inform her of his death Sandra fought back tears. Tears of loss, tears of anger that he'd chosen to run rather than let her look after him in his final days and tears of frustration that she had done so little when he left to make him explain his actions. Sinking into the armchair in the corner of her living room she carefully opened the envelope and began to read.

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Dearest Sandra,

I know right now you're furious with me, I can see you glaring at this sheet of paper and wishing I was there so you could give me one of you infamous bollockings and you've no idea how much I'd like to be around to listen to that right now. I know you'll never understand why I did what I did, why I left my home, things that were familiar to me and most of all the people who cared about me but it was what I had to do. If it helps I never regretted it for a second in the months between when I left and the end but I did regret not talking to you properly before I went, not making you understand in person why it was important to me. So I wrote this and I hope you'll take the words contained in it in the spirit they're meant, as words of advice given in love to someone I should have told they were like the daughter I never had.

_I hope you never lose your sense of wonder_

_Get your fill to eat but always feel that hunger_

I know that in the last few years you've thought I gave you your first break because I felt guilty about your father and maybe you were right but that wasn't why I kept you on my team all those years ago. In the whole of my career, my life actually, I never met a young woman so completely enthralled by the choice she had made in joining the force. You were so hungry to prove you had what it took that you seemed to take each case, each day, with an enthusiasm that put the rest of us to shame. I loved every day of working with and in a way you saved me just as much as I helped you the day you asked me to join UCOS. So please Sandra never lose that edge, that hunger that made you, and still makes you, so fantastic at what you do.

_May you never take one single day for granted?_

_God forbid love ever leaves you empty handed._

Having said all that I'm going to give you some advice, don't let one day roll into the next without going out there and grabbing life by the throat. I've seen too many good officers become empty shells because they have assumed that they had all the time in the world once they retired to have a life and nothing was more important than the job. That's all well and good but what happens is that when they do retire they realize they have nothing to fill their days with. I'd never want that for you Sandra, I'd never want you to walk out the MET doors one day and l realize you left the best years of your life inside. Be careful, you once asked me how I coped and I told you no one copes but I was wrong we all need something or someone to make it all go away when we find it too much.

_I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance_

_Never settle for the path of least resistance_

Now the next thing I'm going to say is going to sound selfish. I know Gerry and Brian won't thank me for it but I'm going to say it anyway. Don't get too comfortable, don't get settled and think that you have nowhere else to go with your career; you've worked too hard to take the easy road. When I was there I didn't want you to leave any more than they would but since I've been away I've realized something. You stay because you're scared to move, you can run that unit with one hand tied behind you back and have done on occasions. Don't fear change; don't settle because the alternative is too scary. Promise me the next time an offer of promotion comes along you'll seriously think about it. If I'm wrong and you're fulfilled where you are fine ignore me but at least think about it.

_Living might mean taking risks but they're worth taking_

_Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making_

On a similar note and to quote the young people these days Sandra; get a life! Don't spend your evenings either in the pub with the team or in front of the TV with a ready meal on your lap. You're still young you deserve more in your life. Again I know it's easier to say than it is to do but trust me no one ever lay on their death bed wishing they'd spent more time in front of the TV. I can tell you they think about the opportunities they didn't take and the people they never allowed themselves to fall in love with. A risk is always worth taking Sandra, everything is worth trying at least once; get a hobby or a boyfriend or at least someone who can be there when it all gets too much for you. Live before you die, if you remember nothing else that I have ever said to you in the last twenty years remember that.

_Don't let some hell bent heart make you bitter_

_When you come close to selling out reconsider_

Now I'm going to say things that you never want to hear about yourself but which I have believed you always needed to hear more than anything else. You have no idea Sandra Pullman the sort of love and loyalty you inspire in the people around you (and stop rolling your eyes because I know you are. Learn to take a compliment) I've watched you tumble from one disastrous relationship to another getting a little less trusting and a little more cynical each time but you mustn't. Don't let the past blight your future and don't give up and settle because you think you don't have a choice. Always believe in yourself, your beauty, your intelligence, your feistiness and if you ever doubt it just look out through the door of your office into the main office and remember there are two men sitting there who would lay their lives down for you. You deserve to be loved and you have the ability to inspire love so go for it. Find Mr Right (or Miss Right yes, yes, yes I know but you can't blame me for having a little joke can you? I will never forget your face that night when we thought your shirk was your girlfriend completely priceless.) And when you find him let him love you, you'll not regret it.

_Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance_

_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance_

_I hope you dance, I hope you're dancing, I pray you'll dance._

I know I'll be gone by the time you read this, that's the way I wanted it, I didn't want you or anyone of you to watch me die and I know that will make you angry I'll expect the ramifications in thirty or forty years when you join Mary and I. In the meantime though if you ever feel alone, if you ever need to know that someone is looking out for you just look up. In the day I'll be the lone cloud crossing the sky and at night I will be the brightest star and when you see them remember I am always with you keeping an eye on you.

Finally and most importantly know that both before and after Mary died you made my life better, your father would have been proud of you just as I am. Knowing you and having the privilege of being your friend made the fact Mary and I had no children of our own that little bit more bearable. I love you Sandra my surrogate daughter and I'll miss you. Live your life well my darling and I'll see you in a few decades!

All my love

Jack xxx

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"Oh Jack why did you have to go and die on me?" Sandra whispered as she reached the end of the letter folding it and putting it back in the envelope as she moved to the window and stared out at the night sky focusing on the brightest star she could see. "I loved you too you grumpy old git. I didn't show it but I'd have been proud if you had been my dad and I am proud of the fact you were my friend. I promise I'll try, try to get out there more and live, say hi to Mary for me and remember I'll see you someday and when I do you have a lot of explaining to do.


End file.
